polygamy-is-still-illegal1

BUSTED AGAIN: Why Some Women Can’t Stand Their Men!

BUSTED AGAIN!

I hear sounds of printers beeping all around the city… Women getting dressed in a rush, one right shoe and one wrong shoe…. Tripping down the stairs in a frantic hurry, driving like maniacs and honking at other cars to move along, and then finally, with no introductions, each woman barges into her husband’s office in the middle of a staff meeting and shoves this article in his face.

“It’s payback time big guy!” The wife crosses her arms with triumph.

“I’m in the middle of a meeting honey!” The husband’s face turns blood red.

“I don’t care! Last month you rubbed that “Why Men Need Four Women” article thing in my face! Well, guess what? Men aren’t perfect either!” She snaps.

“Is that by the same author? Ahhhhhh see? That’s an obvious typo. The author meant to say “Why Some Women Can’t UNDERSTAND Their Men!” The husband explains knowingly.

The wife grabs the paper to check again, and the staff members all rise to applaud their genius boss, and before you know it, the all-male business meeting turns to a marriage support group, sharing stories of how wives misunderstand everything, and are too blind to see how PERFECT their men are!

On her way home, the berated wife decides to leave this embarrassing incident on the Q.T, so she only calls her best friend, her neighbor and a couple of her colleagues at work to subtly voice out her anger.
“I can’t stand him! He thinks he’s always right! I swear behind that Mr. Perfect façade he’s really mean! But no one believes me!”

Of course only a few will sympathize because most of us don’t know what happens behind closed doors…

What Do Women Want?

“It’s not what you said, it’s how you said it!”

That’s one of the classic statements that drive men up the wall. Many men find women very complicated they’re actually compiling a book to help them crack the female code:

“Yes” means “No”

“I’m sorry” means “You’ll be sorry!”
“Do what you want” means “Don’t you dare!”
So naturally when wives attempt to describe what they need from their husbands, some men are both cynical and confused. They have come to the conviction that they do a great job but nothing is good enough for women. So let’s take a sneak peak at what men are silently thinking when women voice out their complaints…
Shhhhhhhhh come with me….

Wife: “I don’t care about money. All I want is to be loved and respected”

Husband: And yet she wants me to show that love with diamond rings, trips to Hawaii and expensive dinners! Do you know what that requires, honey? A LOT OF MONEY!

Wife: “He doesn’t need to spend the whole day with me to make me happy. I’m looking for quality time together even if it’s just an hour a day!”

Husband: And that is why she gives me grief when I meet up with the guys once a week, even though I take her out every night!

Wife: “I just need a man I can trust and depend on. Someone who understands me!”

Husband: And when I’m all there listening and helping, she resists any solutions I give and insists I don’t understand her! Why are women so DIFFICULT?

The truth is, women aren’t complicated, they just speak a different language that is quite foreign to men. There’s a lot of miscommunication in marriages because while men operate through logical thinking, women work on pure feelings. Men have the urge to solve problems in a practical efficient way, while women just need to talk it out without being judged or impelled to make sudden changes. Wives tend to generalize and are more imaginative, while husbands are literal and very specific.

When a woman says she doesn’t care about money, she means it’s not her top priority but of course it still is important! She’s not looking forward to living in a dumpster, but will stand by her man either way if she really loves him. When a woman expresses her anger or frustration it doesn’t mean she’s blaming the husband for everything that went wrong, she just needs to let out some steam! We use figures of speech and metaphors too, you know!

A woman’s ‘five minutes’ does not literally mean 300 seconds!

Why is that so hard for men to understand?!

The Vicious Circle Couples Twirl In

Ever wondered why men are so obsessed with watching soccer matches?

Besides the fact that yelling and swearing at the TV is not a punishable crime as opposed to say, roaring at the kids, men generally like to keep score. And they relate to the rules that are clear and simple…

Win-Lose

Black-White

Yes-No

Whatever lies between the two options is a grey area that doesn’t really register in male brains as significant. So if you’re having a conversation with a man and you don’t adamantly and deliberately stress on the fact that he’s RIGHT, don’t be surprised if he gets offended. I mean, in a black and white world, if you don’t think he’s right then you obviously think he’s wrong! Which means the score is 1 to nothing! It’s not that men are arrogant or in denial, they just need to win, and they work more efficiently through encouragement. They need their wives’ approval and appreciation because it motivates them to be better and give more! On the other hand, if men are constantly criticized or are being told what to do and how to do it, they start feeling blamed, rejected and eventually give up, even when that’s not the intention of women at all!

Oh my God! There she goes again giving excuses to the men! You’d think a female author would support her own kind every once in a while! Holy!

 

Time For Men To Step Up!

(Girls you’ll need to cover your ears now. This section is strictly for men!)

Even though women are emotionally stronger and have great powers at their disposal (two beliefs supported by Islam and psychology), it still doesn’t take the heat off husbands. It takes two to make a marriage work or fall apart. There’s a reason why many wives are frustrated these days, and it’s not because they’re drama queens. Women have needs that some men obviously don’t understand. Many husbands already spend time at home and make big deals of special occasions and are very much willing to help but their wives are still unhappy. It’s not what you do but rather it’s how you make your woman feel.

As years go by, the rush in a marriage settles down and is replaced with a sacred bond of understanding. A husband needs to remember that his wife isn’t out there to make his life miserable; she’s actually on his side! With days filled with commitments, responsibilities and distractions, women need to feel acknowledged. They need to feel loved and appreciated even if it’s with little daily gestures like a warm hug. If you really want to score big with your woman, give importance to those simple acts of love like getting her a rose for no reason at all or giving her a compliment when she looks tired. Try to maintain scoring one virtual point everyday instead of doing a big gesture every six months and then say ‘Hey, I sat through an entire musical for you last summer, that should earn me enough points for a whole year!”

Yeah it doesn’t work that way.

You can take the space you need and do the things you love with your guy friends and all but in return leave your wife with a reassuring feeling that you love her and miss her. Women are strong and capable and independent but deep inside they’re also soft and sensitive…. All they need is a genuine feeling to keep them going.

The beloved Prophet (PBUH) was a very busy man. Not the normal ‘I have a business meeting’ or ‘Come on it’s the Champion’s League’ kind of busy, no he was literally the one man carrying the hugest burden of ‘changing the world’ on his shoulders. Yet he was the softest, most loving and most tender husband of all times. He gave time and attention to his wives, helped with the housework, mended his own clothes and actually listened when his wife had a problem. One time Lady Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) lost her necklace on the way back from one of the battles and our beloved Prophet (PBUH) asked the whole army to stop and look for it. How considerate was that?

In his last sermon, Prophet Muhammad dedicated a whole part of his speech to remind men to show love and respect to their wives and give them their rights. He continued saying, “Do treat your women well and be kind to them for they are your partners and committed helpers….”

That said, let’s pause and watch husbands today….

Most wives carry the burden of raising the kids, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, driving the kids’ to soccer practices and art classes, besides having careers of their own, keeping up with a busy social life and maintaining their figures and beauty. Yes we are strong but we can’t be super women all the time! What happened to husbands that some of them won’t even bother taking the initiative to lighten that burden? Of course some men help out but others do it condescendingly as a favor. Women are overwhelmed, anxious and tired from the expectations that perhaps they put upon themselves, but it would certainly be nice to feel appreciated for their tremendous efforts. Why does it seem to us that some men’s teeth hurt when they give their wives compliments?

 

To every husband who had the self-control and open-mind to reach this sentence J

Look at that woman sleeping beside you… Remember who she is…?

She is the same women you dreamt of day and night, cherishing the thought of making her happy and loving her forever. She is the one who stood by you through thick and thin… gave you children whom she dedicates her life to raise well and fills your home with love and tenderness. This is the young woman who left her parent’s protective bubble to come live in your arms… She is the one her dad trusted you with, just like one day you’ll give your daughter to a stranger and hope he will treasure her every day till the end of time. She is the princess that walked into your life to help you, love you and face the obstacles of the unknown with you, hand in hand. Perhaps she’s flawed, yes, but so are you. Perhaps she nags and whines and acts up sometimes. True. But if only you knew that it takes just a warm hug to make her heart melt and tame even her wildest temper. This woman needs you… she needs your love, support and attention. You don’t have to give her solutions or turn the world upside down to make her happy…

All you need to do is look at her…

Really look at her, absorb her and acknowledge her…

Take that extra minute to reassure her you’ll always be there to cherish and love her no matter what happens…

In the end, it’s making her feel like she’s the best wife ever is really what makes you…

The greatest man alive…

 

 



Lily S. Mohsen

About

Lilly S. Mohsen is the author of "Live Your Story' and 'The Prophets To Islam' Series for children. Lilly is a part-time therapist and a spiritual speaker. She’s currently pursuing another Diploma in Islamic Psychology and is a contributing writer to a number of educational and Inspirational blogs.


'BUSTED AGAIN: Why Some Women Can’t Stand Their Men!' have 160 comments

  1. March 30, 2015 @ 9:54 am Julia

    Fantastic article, thank you! A truly enjoyable read. Super interesting as always.
    Masterpiece

    Reply

  2. March 30, 2015 @ 9:59 am Storm

    Women expect to be listened to politely., and, not be interrupted or cut short. Women expect men to remember what they have said and also, not walk out of the room, stare at computers, tv or read. Women expect eye contact and attention.
    Women don’t know what they want!!

    Reply

    • April 1, 2015 @ 10:07 am Lilly S. Mohsen

      I’ll give you the “women don’t know what they want” thing coz it might be true to some degree
      But don’t all humans require politeness, recognition and attention, Storm?

      Reply

  3. March 30, 2015 @ 10:02 am Anthony

    Men are complicated, we just don’t show it. It is also very important for men to pick the right women because the woman they pick will have a significant part in raising their children and continuing their lineage. Very well written Lilly, enjoyed reading it very much!!!!!!!!!

    Reply

  4. March 30, 2015 @ 10:05 am Randy

    It’s not that we were trained from birth to see women as decoration. It’s that from birth we’ve been trained to value women only in terms of beauty, and beautiful things serve as decoration. If we learned to focus on internal goals like self-fulfillment rather than external goals like trophy wives perhaps we would have room to appreciate women as people. The author put it beautifully on how women should be understood. Thk for the info!

    Reply

    • April 1, 2015 @ 10:13 am Lilly S. Mohsen

      I must say this is a very interesting perspective that only few will have the courage to see or admit. I’m happy you found this piece informative Randy. My pleasure

      Reply

  5. March 30, 2015 @ 10:06 am Roman

    Is there one like this but for women? I know I’m a thinking, breathing and loving creature being walked like a dog by my neck, but what’s it like for women? What does society tell them about men?

    Reply

    • April 1, 2015 @ 10:19 am Lilly S. Mohsen

      Oh Roman, looks like you missed out on most of the fun : )
      Here’s part one of this story: http://inkoffaith.com/?p=403
      Hint: The title is: Why Men Need Four Women!
      (Yeah we’ve had our share of a huge reality check too hhhhh)

      Reply

  6. March 30, 2015 @ 10:09 am Kathy

    Ummm… All men are sex-crazed to some degree, and be careful. That’s the first thing that comes to mind, unfortunately.

    Reply

    • April 1, 2015 @ 12:32 pm Lilly S. Mohsen

      Actually that’s good advice, Kathy. Being careful can prevent a lot of heart ache

      Reply

  7. March 30, 2015 @ 2:59 pm Mahmoud Lasheen

    You never cease to impress me!

    Reply

  8. March 30, 2015 @ 4:39 pm Ahmad

    in fact, women are very very complicated. Even from childhood, women start thinking very complex. Such as beauty. What it takes to feel beautiful and maker herself beautiful!! Women try to be beautiful but for what reason? the reason is simple. They want to get mate(s) of higher genome quality. So, biologically, women put men to test to prove her desire. Does men put women to these kind of test, no. Why? It is because women DOES not contribute to the DNA of the baby as much as men do. So, it is extremely important for women to pick the right men. Where as men can choose any women, ugly or fat or short….does not matter, his seeds will be almost always be like him. These are natural selection where women are not as well equipped to survive of her own. lady cannot support herself. So, men, do not try to even put any effort to understand women. Be the way you are. They will come to men, regardless

    Reply

    • April 1, 2015 @ 12:37 pm Lilly S. Mohsen

      Under the positive light of how I like to see things, I’ll concur with the part about “Be who you are” coz in the end, women want men to be genuine and true to themselves. Pretending to be someone you’re not will usually never get neither men nor women any where at all.

      Reply

  9. March 30, 2015 @ 4:40 pm Ed

    Clearly, some men have this problem, because they suck. Many of them pretend to be feminists since that’s the new way to get a girl.

    Reply

    • April 1, 2015 @ 12:39 pm Lilly S. Mohsen

      I find such honest opinions like yours Ed to be rather refreshing.

      Reply

  10. March 30, 2015 @ 4:41 pm Matt

    We try to fix it. Be nice to women. Realise when you’re being a doormat so you stop yourself. Basically be less judgemental, and realise when you’re condemning a woman for a behaviour that you’d praise a man for, or vice versa. It just doesn’t work for those women.

    Reply

    • March 30, 2015 @ 4:43 pm Albert

      Love the article. A woman’s honesty to herself is unparalleled, because her self-esteem is rooted where it should be, in herself. You can call her beautiful or sexy or gorgeous every single day, but if she doesn’t feel it, it won’t get through to her.

      Reply

      • April 1, 2015 @ 12:44 pm Lilly S. Mohsen

        That’s all I’m saying Albert! Thank you for summing it up in such an effective way.

        Reply

    • April 1, 2015 @ 12:42 pm Lilly S. Mohsen

      It’s amazing how being “less judgmental” can bridge the hugest gaps! Thanks Matt

      Reply

  11. March 30, 2015 @ 4:45 pm Cory

    Author said it all, men work on logic, women works on emotion.

    Reply

    • April 1, 2015 @ 12:46 pm Lilly S. Mohsen

      I would put these words on a huge banner and end the constant struggle right there and then! Thanks Cory

      Reply

  12. March 30, 2015 @ 4:46 pm Simon

    No fair, this article is one-sided, it’s an article about how men are ‘trained to understand women’. Why would Lilly put in elements of a separate article in this article. It’s like writing about the detriments Apple Computers and adding in criticisms about Microsoft.

    Reply

  13. March 30, 2015 @ 4:47 pm Sir

    If Lilly wanted to write about the problems that men face in today’s society she’d write another article, right Lilly?

    Reply

  14. March 30, 2015 @ 4:48 pm Dallas

    Women don’t compartmentalize.

    Reply

  15. March 30, 2015 @ 4:49 pm Ninny

    Women are more afraid of rejection than men are.

    Reply

    • April 1, 2015 @ 6:19 pm Lilly S. Mohsen

      While I agree that women can be more sensitive in that area, I would really be interested to hear men’s view regarding that statement : )

      Reply

  16. March 30, 2015 @ 4:51 pm Gary

    Some men actually appear to be fully functioning human beings with brains. What a novel idea.

    Reply

    • April 1, 2015 @ 6:22 pm Lilly S. Mohsen

      Shocking, isn’t it Gary? Hhhhhhh
      I hope no one was offended by the lighthearted tone of this article. I think both genders are equally valued and respected.

      Reply

  17. March 30, 2015 @ 4:53 pm Sarah

    Lilly is right, It doesn’t matter what you say, it matters how she feels.

    Reply

    • April 1, 2015 @ 6:23 pm Lilly S. Mohsen

      It’s always a wonderful pleasure to be understood. Thank you Sarah

      Reply

  18. March 30, 2015 @ 4:54 pm Reader

    Thanks, Lilly – love that you addresses the importance of MEN up front. We are all in this together. Thanks for sharing

    Reply

  19. March 30, 2015 @ 4:56 pm Frank

    I do think that as men, we over-complicate women because we expect them to be just like us. It’s natural for anyone to project their own qualities onto others and become confused when they don’t fit the mold, but once we step outside of ourselves and see people as they are, and not as we are, our vision becomes clearer. Great article Author

    Reply

    • April 1, 2015 @ 6:26 pm Lilly S. Mohsen

      Wise words indeed. Thank you for this perfect articulation Frank

      Reply

  20. March 30, 2015 @ 5:01 pm James

    What women don’t seem to understand is that just because men don’t cater to 65 of the 75 bullet points on this list, doesn’t mean we don’t understand you. Oh, we understand women all to well. We just think most of this stuff is stupid, irrational, and borderline insane. We still have to deal with you on a daily basis though, so we play oblivious with you, and try not to feed the crazy. We keep this process going until we wear you down and you accept it. This has been going on for…. since the beginning. You really haven’t noticed?

    Reply

    • April 1, 2015 @ 6:28 pm Lilly S. Mohsen

      OMG is that what you guys have been doing all this time? Hhhhhh
      We had NO idea!

      Reply

  21. March 30, 2015 @ 5:03 pm Kim

    Wise info thanks Lilly!

    Reply

  22. March 30, 2015 @ 5:04 pm Alex

    “Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps”. That’s when I discovered the woman.

    Reply

  23. March 30, 2015 @ 5:08 pm Rhonda

    Thanks, Lilly! You’re SO right – we’re all in this together. If not, we’ll fail. I appreciate how much you personally do each day to support women’s progress and advancement. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

    Reply

    • April 1, 2015 @ 6:44 pm Lilly S. Mohsen

      One of my joys lately is to look for your name in my comments and read all the lovely things you say Rhonda…

      Reply

  24. March 30, 2015 @ 5:09 pm Carol

    In reply I would like to quote my grandmother ” A man may work from sun to sun but a woman’s work is never done”

    Reply

  25. March 30, 2015 @ 5:11 pm Aya Talaat

    Always looking forward to your articles… Love it.. Very true and sincere..

    Reply

    • April 1, 2015 @ 6:47 pm Lilly S. Mohsen

      Who would have thought a sister-in-law could be both this gorgeous and this sweet?

      Reply

  26. March 30, 2015 @ 5:12 pm Mahone

    Enjoyed reading..
    The most important thing that I realized, recently mind you, is loving yourself. Women don’t do that enough, they love everybody more & think about everybody else more before themselves. They love their parents, siblings, children, spouse & are mostly ‘Givers’. But its high time they need to realize that they need to first take care of themselves to help others. Stop being finicky if some house chore is left undone, hire help to do those chores, if you don’t dust your furniture for a week, nothing major will happen, but if you don’t dust your way of thinking & brush up on your work related skills somebody else will take away the promotion.
    So what that you have to work double, to prove yourself, ultimately you become the CEO, owner, rich, fulfilled sooner then others.

    Reply

    • April 1, 2015 @ 6:59 pm Lilly S. Mohsen

      “Love Yourself”
      I think you just gave me the best title for my new article. Thanks Mahone

      Reply

  27. March 30, 2015 @ 5:16 pm Sue

    What an excellent article! Everything you wrote resonated with me. For a number of reasons and circumstances, I am one of the millions of women who found themselves doing much of the lion’s share of the real work involved in caring for the family – enabling others, who were just as responsible, the time to concentrate on their careers and lives. I am not going to go into the specifics but it was hard work and cost me financially and personally. Would I do it again? Absolutely, because first and foremost they were family, I loved them and they needed help (mine and others). But really, why did I need to? I hope the coming generation of women find themselves in this situation, less and less.
    This is not intended as an anti-male post (I adore my son who is a wonderful human-being). We are all in this together. Thanks Lily

    Reply

    • April 1, 2015 @ 7:00 pm Lilly S. Mohsen

      I think most of us can relate to your insightful comment Sue…

      Reply

  28. March 30, 2015 @ 9:55 pm David

    Laughing my Butt Off!

    Reply

  29. March 31, 2015 @ 4:17 am Sam

    What women want and what they complain about are the same. They want chivalry but complain about equality. They want men to lead but do not want to be told what to do. They want independence but place their worth on what a man provides. The reality is that women want to be approached by a magical unicorn, and ONLY a magical unicorn at an exact time and place as she herself has determined since she was nine. She could be approached by any number of almost worthy suitors up until that moment to which she will ignore or take offense. When that magical twilight comes and goes and Prince TallDark N. Rich is nowhere to be seen she will write off men as failures to the human race.
    Yet, many women ARE successfully land great men while you’re sitting around contemplating men’s failures. In reality it is not the opposite sex that has failed, It YOU that has failed to. Stop relying on the opposite sex for your self-worth. If you NEED a man to kill himself to win your affection, you had better be beautiful, fit, classy, secure, decisive, YOUNG, have good genes and a strong family line, and know how to make him shine. That 24% body fat and shitty attitude toward men’s discretion will not win you any love. Similarly for men: If you need a women, you are NOT being a traditional man. A traditional man seeks power, women are a benefit to this. Women go TO him, seek HIS attention, until HE chooses who he’ll allow into his life. He doesn’t meet her at a bar, a yoga class, a dance lesson; he meets her at a banquet or through successful collages. Places where a woman of “equal quality” can stand next to him while ascends. Keep complaining. Die alone.

    Reply

  30. March 31, 2015 @ 4:18 am Boy Scout

    Ok…what I’m going to say is going to blow all your minds away…ready….it’s called use your judgement to assess things! If a woman is walking all over you, leave!, if she’s demanding too much of you, leave! if you don’t like the way she looks, leave! if she’s draining all of your energy, leave! then repeat the search until you find one that’s jussssssssssssssst righttttttttttt

    Reply

  31. March 31, 2015 @ 4:19 am Kevin

    Ya ok, so in all this, what effort do women do? Women ask this and that from men and make expectations that have alot of men making crazy efforts and cant even attain this expectation women have of men, what do women do in all this? Put make up on? Make themselves look pretty? Cause men make 95% of the first moves, have to be strong and a gentleman at all times, wth do women do? Seriously, were at a point of not being used to having women make the first move that when they do we ask ourselves, whats wrong with her! Women have nothing to offer but demand the respect they dont give themseleves, call me a passive guy or wtv u want. i get women all the time,i wasnt always so arrogant , i used to be timid but confident, caring, loving faithful and naive apparently, well women made short work of that by walking all over me, so u created an jackass, and to all the women that will say not all women are like this, actually how many of you women that say that actually go out and spend your life dating other women? How many og you are convinced that youre not what im describing? Cause the women that do walk all over us are convinced theyre not like this either, this is what i observe from women and on a daily routine im searching to be proven wrong but everything i see proves me right!

    Reply

    • April 2, 2015 @ 10:55 am Lilly S. Mohsen

      As much as I know men don’t appreciate being proven wrong, I really hope you find that one woman who will. People are different Kevin, and once you find the “one” you’ll forget all this anger and go back to being you… The confident caring, faithful man you truly are.
      As for the efforts on the women’s part, here we go : http://inkoffaith.com/?p=403

      Reply

  32. March 31, 2015 @ 4:20 am Jim

    This is nonsense. Just be yourself and don’t jump through hoops just to get a stamp of approval from some princess. The right one will come along and see you for who you are, and not who this author wants to shame you into being.

    Reply

    • April 2, 2015 @ 10:58 am Lilly S. Mohsen

      Why do I suddenly feel like I’m Cinderalla’s evil step mother? : )
      I second your opinion though Jim, just be yourself coz that’s always the best version of you

      Reply

  33. March 31, 2015 @ 4:21 am Erin

    A man with self-respect doesn’t bend over backwards to please a woman (or anyone) in today’s non-traditional society. He looks for a partner, not someone who will judge him if he doesn’t plan a cute enough date night or doesn’t open the car door for her and throw his coat down in front of the car door.

    Reply

  34. March 31, 2015 @ 4:22 am Alpha Male

    Ahhh…the elusive Alpha male. The handsome tall hunk from the romance novels who’s about to sweep you off your feet. Keep looking, single ladies…you’ll find him (in a movie) some day.

    Reply

    • April 2, 2015 @ 11:06 am Lilly S. Mohsen

      Which movie please? Hhhhhhhhhhh
      This article is causing way too much trouble, huh?

      Reply

  35. March 31, 2015 @ 4:23 am Pete

    Funny, I just came from a similar article with genders reversed and women were absolutely flipping out over there, but here it’s all agreement on their end and the men flipping out instead. Everybody is just so entitled. I can relate to you dudes though; seems like we’ve all been in that relationship with one-sided communication and it’s always the women who don’t hold up their end of the conversation. Got to a point in a relationship once where I was the only one who EVER initiated. I stopped to see how long it would take her to talk first and three months later the first text I got was her wondering “where we stand”. Her excuse was that she was bad with phones.

    Reply

    • April 2, 2015 @ 11:30 am Lilly S. Mohsen

      I know this isn’t funny but I can’t help laughing! This is classic female behavior.
      But in her defense, maybe she was trying to give you space or was hoping to get your attention but it just gave the opposite effect?

      Reply

  36. March 31, 2015 @ 4:24 am DJ

    If a man spends all his time and energy into courting you, just for you to sit back with zero effort and pick someone else, where does that leave him? So why should they put ‘more’ effort into it than you are?

    Reply

    • April 2, 2015 @ 11:46 am Lilly S. Mohsen

      I know what you mean DJ. This article is essentially about married couples though, when the “picking” is done and efforts from both sides are required.

      Reply

  37. March 31, 2015 @ 4:25 am Terry

    The problem is is that the majority of relationships are failing. 70 to 90% of failed marriages the petition is signed by the woman because she knows she cannot lose.

    Reply

  38. March 31, 2015 @ 4:26 am Hanan

    “A woman who is being treated well by her man has a glow about her. She is happy, passionate, driven and ambitious. She is a reflection of her man.”

    Reply

  39. March 31, 2015 @ 4:27 am Chris

    It seems there is a lot of pent up anger regarding the roles we play when it comes to relating to connecting with another…. and these few simple words become the pinprick that unleashes that anger.
    The answers are hidden between the lines you read everyday in their profiles. Desperate pleas from exasperated women ” i want real man” “honest and truthful” “any genuine guys out there”
    They’re fed up with men who take the easy way… telling a woman what you know she wants to hear, to get what you need from her.
    It’s only natural to become jaded and paint all men with the same brush, once you’ve been hurt a few times.
    As men get better at the art deception, women strengthen the walls that protect their hearts… some take revenge and hurt back. To any person with a sense of awareness the answer is obvious.
    It’s going to take some patience and understanding to break this cycle.
    It starts with taking a good hard look at what has taken place in your life that has shaped your attitude towards others. Take some time to learn about YOU ,your flaws as well as the good stuff. Then BE that authentic person. And Lily your writings are hilarious for real.

    Reply

    • April 2, 2015 @ 11:51 am Lilly S. Mohsen

      Beyond fascinating!
      You really said it all Chris! I applaud you!!!!
      Thank you! Thank you! THANK YOU!

      Reply

  40. March 31, 2015 @ 4:28 am Nick

    It’s a simple tit for tat retaliation. We don’t expect women to put in all the effort, only 50% of it. Just like we are equally treated and paid in the office, everything is 50/50 outside of it, including bills, and things like who asks who on a date first. The days men were “supposed to” proactively chase women are as much of a relic as the days women were “supposed to” be stay at home housewives. Welcome to post feminist society.

    Reply

    • April 2, 2015 @ 11:53 am Lilly S. Mohsen

      As much as times have changed Nick, we secretly long for the good old days where women felt like women…

      Reply

  41. March 31, 2015 @ 4:29 am Henry

    Stop relying on the men for your self-worth. If you NEED a man to kill himself to win your affection, you had better be beautiful, fit, classy, secure, decisive, YOUNG, have good genes and a strong family line, and know how to make him shine. That 24% body fat and shitty attitude toward men’s discretion will not win you any love except from lonely unsuccessful boys.

    Reply

    • April 2, 2015 @ 11:58 am Lilly S. Mohsen

      I’m still hung up on the specific percentage of 24% you mentioned : )
      I still think deep inside men don’t care about looks and genes as much as they care about the character and attitude Henry. Women can’t stay young and beautiful forever

      Reply

  42. March 31, 2015 @ 4:30 am Nancy

    You nailed it girl!!!

    Reply

  43. March 31, 2015 @ 4:31 am 007

    I CONCUR WHOLEHEARTEDLY!!!!!!!!! ARTICULATELY BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!

    Reply

    • April 2, 2015 @ 12:06 pm Lilly S. Mohsen

      Coming from 007 I think this comment is going on my “cherished” list.
      Honored and humbled. Thank you

      Reply

  44. March 31, 2015 @ 4:31 am Jessica

    You reap what you sow people.

    Reply

  45. March 31, 2015 @ 4:32 am Lou

    If a man really wants you in his life he will make the effort. When he makes the effort and she like him, she will respond. Men always say they are afraid of rejection but if he really wants a lady in his like nothing will stop him unless she says she is not interested. Ladies don’t play hard to get, they just want a man who will stand up for them, a champion so to speak. At his age especially we all have been through a lot good bad and indifference. Gentlemen, if you like her let her know. Ladies even if he chases you it doesn’t always mean he will stay. It is something you both have to decide. Tnx for the blog Lily

    Reply

  46. March 31, 2015 @ 4:33 am Lily

    I wonder why many guys don’t put effort in courting anymore…

    Reply

  47. March 31, 2015 @ 4:34 am Solo

    I think one thing we can add to this is that men and women who are passionate for a particular hobby, interest, or career; are much more likeable and attractive than those who take a passive attitude with their direction in life.

    Reply

  48. March 31, 2015 @ 4:35 am Janet

    Loved it…….habibit albi cho badik bil rajal kolhom atfal heheheheh

    Reply

    • April 3, 2015 @ 4:52 pm Lilly S. Mohsen

      Arod 3ala habibty Janet bil masry baa! Ana 3an nafsy mesh 3ayza 7aga Ana bas Gaya ahady el nefous hhhhh
      Okay you need to be 100% Egyptian to get this one!
      All my love to Lebanon and the Lebanese people. Thanks Janet ❤️

      Reply

  49. March 31, 2015 @ 4:36 am Fred

    “When he makes the effort AND she like him, she will respond.” This is why men feel it is pointless. No matter how much effort you put in, she will still ignore you. How many women does it take before all that effort starts to wear him down, and he realizes it’s irrelevant?

    Reply

    • April 3, 2015 @ 4:55 pm Lilly S. Mohsen

      I gotta say you make it sound like a haphazard process Fred
      Once you find a woman you have true feelings for, you won’t mind putting the effort. Trust me, you’ll find true joy in it

      Reply

  50. March 31, 2015 @ 4:38 am Gwendolen

    All men….Learn from this article, Lily said it herself…….The most AWESOME writer EVER!!!

    Reply

    • April 3, 2015 @ 5:03 pm Lilly S. Mohsen

      It’s amazing how one genuine comment can make my whole day! Thank you Gwendolen for this smile…

      Reply

  51. March 31, 2015 @ 4:47 am Abo Ali

    FIGHT…..FIGHT…..AN ARAB AND A WHITE!
    HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
    This is y men like myself r still single hhhhhhhhhh ladies language changes every season, and we r expected 2 understand it. If we fail to understand it we are told 2 “MAN UP”. When women don’t understand us, which is NEVER, I cant imagine how she’ll react if we told her 2 “WOMEN UP”. HHHHHHHHHHH
    I LOVE UR WRITINGS YA BINT, thy crack me up regardless wht mood I am in. Keep em coming.

    Reply

    • April 3, 2015 @ 5:43 pm Lilly S. Mohsen

      “Woman Up” Hhhhhhhhhh
      I think I’ll be laughing for the next couple of months non-stop.
      Thank you ya Abo Ali

      Reply

  52. March 31, 2015 @ 6:18 am sameh mohsen

    Your writings have a special flavour that characterises all your work,definitely you know your way to our hearts and minds,well done.

    Reply

  53. March 31, 2015 @ 8:01 am Mohamed Mohsen

    Great as usual! Love u

    Reply

  54. March 31, 2015 @ 8:06 am Nichole

    You need to make her feel all of these things, and more. In fact, what you don’t say usually matters more than what you do say. As the saying goes, actions speak louder than words. Lilly, I really enjoy reading anything you write ;)

    Reply

    • April 3, 2015 @ 6:17 pm Lilly S. Mohsen

      I totally agree! Actions DO speak louder than words.
      Thanks Nichole, it’s always nice to hear from my fans ;)

      Reply

  55. March 31, 2015 @ 8:14 am Boss

    I’m a little tired of the “everything men do is secretly about women” thing. It’s not true, it’s just silly, and what’s more, I think men don’t understand women even though they say they do.

    Reply

  56. March 31, 2015 @ 8:19 am Jen

    Why are you even reading articles on psychcentral ? God provides you with almost perfect behaviour !

    Reply

  57. March 31, 2015 @ 8:21 am Sissy

    This is a great help – especially right now! My husband and I do not communicate with one another well. We’ve been married for nearly 30 years. His hearing has deteriorated over the years and I speak very softly. I’m a communicator and I love to discuss current events, the aches and pains I have, the cost of living – you name it I’ll chat. I enjoy hearing his opinions but he doesn’t offer them often. If I try to pull them out of him he bucks – like a stubborn mule! I don’t hate him but truly wish he would try to “hear” me when I speak! I wish someone had told him how difficult life can become when your partner can’t hear! Thanks for the article – I’m off to mend some hurt feelings because of it! ♥

    Reply

    • April 3, 2015 @ 6:43 pm Lilly S. Mohsen

      I’m happy you found this helpful Sissy. We do have the power to heal ourselves sometimes…
      I wish you and your husband all the best

      Reply

  58. March 31, 2015 @ 8:23 am Zak

    I have been married to the same wonderful woman for 18 years. Sure we disagree/fight sometimes. I have never “hated” her, or “disliked” her in any way (except maybe when in the heat of an argument). I just don’t get it I guess. Obviously those who harbor ill feelings have stopped communicating long ago. I’m a firm believer in communication playing a primary role in ANY relationship, but ESPECIALLY important, even crucial, when it’s communication regarding your significant other. When I say communication I’m talking about expressing feelings, desires, needs, etc., not simple everyday talking such as “how was your day sweety”? Without open and honest communication the relationship in question is certainly doomed.

    Reply

    • April 3, 2015 @ 6:46 pm Lilly S. Mohsen

      It’s refreshing to know husbands like you still exist Zak
      Your wife is a lucky woman. All my best to both you… I wish you a lifetime of happiness

      Reply

  59. March 31, 2015 @ 8:25 am Roxy

    Thank you for writing this article. Although my husband and I have been only been married for two months, we’ve been together for 10 years and there are times when he makes me want to rip my hair out! I catch myself gritting my teeth or rolling my eyes at him sometimes. There are other times when he makes me want to scream and throw a temper tantrum like a 2 year old. It’s definitely because I feel like I do more in the relationship but it’s also because he can be so overwhelming. He likes to hang on me, grab me inappropriately in public (because “it’s funny”), and gets very jealous over the most trivial things (like when I said I fell in love a male character in a FICTIONAL book I was reading). These emotions always make me feel guilty and like your friend I start questioning our relationship since we are always taught that if we are not 100% compatible or happy with our significant other then it will never work and we should leave that person.

    Reply

    • April 3, 2015 @ 8:13 pm Lilly S. Mohsen

      I believe with the effort and having the same goal of making a marriage work, anything is possible
      I’m not sure which friend you’re refering to though. But thanks for your comment Roxy. I Like to believe love conquers all in the end… Good luck with your husband

      Reply

  60. March 31, 2015 @ 8:29 am Annie

    In about a month i will be married 30 years. It has been wonderful to just extremely painful at times.
    Only thing that seems to save us is if we get out walking/hiking. For some reason hiking in nature, even for 20 minutes does something to both our souls. We get grounded, open up and talk honestly, not with sarcasm but listen to one another or not let the fear of being honest stop us.
    Saddest part to me is how he does not seem to remember the good times unless we are out hiking. Otherwise according to him our marriage has never been good…on hike he say he was happiest hiking with me for all those years.
    I agree with all reasons …comprise is a must…what i wish i knew is when to leave. My counselor who knows us both says my husband does really love me. I am most important woman in his life…but i do have my doubts.
    All i can say is when marriage is working, it is most sweetest thing in the world..even with the disagreements. Just as long as you work through them.
    Hiking has saved us time and time again…and others i suggested it too.
    Hopefully it might some others too plus get people out in nature where you feel beauty of nature/God.

    Reply

  61. March 31, 2015 @ 8:31 am Dorothy

    A helpful article thankyou. I began to truly feel hate towards my spouse when he felt it was ok to come into the house smelling of marihuana around our young daughter. He felt it was his right. I couldn’t handle what I felt was just such a selfish attitude. He knew how much I hated this too.

    Reply

    • April 3, 2015 @ 8:58 pm Lilly S. Mohsen

      I can’t imagine what you’re going through Dorothy. I Hope things get better soon

      Reply

  62. March 31, 2015 @ 8:33 am Rania

    I hate my husband he lies all the time and he could be mildly retarded or suffered some type of abuse from his mother he dont respect women ishould divorce

    Reply

    • April 3, 2015 @ 9:01 pm Lilly S. Mohsen

      Looks like there’s a story there Rania. I don’t know what to tell you except I’ve seen many women feel this way and they’ve found marriage counseling to be very helpful. I’m sure you know your situation best though. I really wish you find your happiness either way inshAllah

      Reply

  63. March 31, 2015 @ 8:35 am Lynda

    My husband tells me when to get up in the morning..can’t be before he is ready, what to have for breakfast, what chores, errands to do, what to eat, often leftovers, when to shower, when to go to bed. He listens to my phone conversations, questions me about them, yells at my grandchildren, acts like I have wounded him if I accidentally touch him and reacts with great sarcasm if I disagree with anything he says or does. I am so unhappy I could cry but I no longer have tears.

    Reply

    • April 3, 2015 @ 9:05 pm Lilly S. Mohsen

      Oh Lynda.. This must be frustrating. I don’t know if any one advice could help, but I hope with time and patience you find the happiness you’re looking for

      Reply

  64. March 31, 2015 @ 8:38 am Genie

    It’s been a small relief to read your article and all the comments here. Thank you Lily :)

    Reply

  65. March 31, 2015 @ 8:40 am Kim

    I appreciate this. It really bothers me when women tear down their husbands to others and especially when they do it in front of or to their kids! Thanks for the post Lily!

    Reply

    • April 3, 2015 @ 9:08 pm Lilly S. Mohsen

      You’re right Kim. It’s the worst thing to bash your own team in public

      Reply

  66. March 31, 2015 @ 8:41 am Andrea

    Great reminders here – and we not only need to hold ourselves accountable for these things in our marriages and relationships, we need to hold each other accountable for these behaviors too. Encourage one another, and speak truth in love.

    Reply

  67. March 31, 2015 @ 8:43 am Dee

    RIGHT ON!!! Even though we’re at the 52 yr. mark of marriage– THANK YOU for the refresher reminder!! And yes, those things Lily wrote are absolutely true….

    Reply

  68. March 31, 2015 @ 8:44 am Norma

    Great reminders! I fall into some of these habits without even being aware that it’s hurtful to my husband. It’s helpful to be reminded to be mindful of the way I treat my hubby. Thanks!

    Reply

  69. March 31, 2015 @ 8:46 am Grace

    Thanks for sharing. I think all women, somewhere along the line, have dropped the ball. I know I sure have. Thank you for being open & honest with us all. We need to be reminded how to love our husbands well!

    Reply

    • April 3, 2015 @ 9:15 pm Lilly S. Mohsen

      May we all find joy in loving and being loved
      Thank you Grace… And may I add, you have a beautiful name!

      Reply

  70. March 31, 2015 @ 8:47 am Barb

    My husband wanted me to tell you that this is one of the most awesome post that he has ever seen. He said thanks. :)

    Reply

    • April 3, 2015 @ 9:18 pm Lilly S. Mohsen

      Please tell your husband that he’s so very welcome! God bless your marriage Barb

      Reply

  71. March 31, 2015 @ 8:49 am TJ

    I thank you for this article. No man can express these to a woman, it takes another woman’s advice to get through to their hearts. Thank you for acting as a truely Godly representive for us men. I couldn’t agree with your list more. They were all problems in my last marraige (although its not the reason we split”. It means so much to hear ‘what we can stand’ from the words of a lady who understands. And is not like these things just get under our skin. Over time they build up anamosity and slowly destroy your friendship and marraige. Thank you so much ma’am :)

    Reply

  72. March 31, 2015 @ 8:50 am Tina

    I love this. Thank you. Some don’t apply to me but is something that I will keep in mind though so I don’t do it in the future. I’m going to share this with my husband and tell him that I don’t want to be like that ever in our marriage. Again thanks for this powerful and great advise.

    Reply

  73. March 31, 2015 @ 8:54 am Cory

    I’m not sure why this is titled “why women can’t stand their men”. Uhhh MEN DONT STAND THEIR WIVES EITHER…

    Reply

  74. March 31, 2015 @ 8:54 am Cory

    I’m not sure why this is titled “why women can’t stand their men”. Uhhh MEN DONT STAND THEIR WIVES EITHER….

    Reply

  75. March 31, 2015 @ 8:56 am Marcie

    Wonderful list Lily! How I wish I read this 29 years ago instead of having to make those mistakes many times during our 29 years of marriage! These are definitely gems of wisdom!
    Thank you for sharing.

    Reply

  76. March 31, 2015 @ 9:00 am Belle

    I love this article! I’m a woman raised in the aftermath of the women’s lib movement. My generation and younger were taught that we don’t need a man for anything. We can do it ourselves. And while we can do it ourselves, that was NEVER God’s plan. I’ve embraced the fact that I need a man…for provision, protection, and companionship that I just can’t have with one of my girlfriends. I am single and see men in a whole new light. They carry burdens and pressure that ill never know about. (AT LEAST THE REAL MEN DO). They deserve respect because God asks us to. The more feminine and non combative we are the more real men act like men….it’s so so sweet. I pray that I’ll be able to keep these points in mind when I am married and bless my husbands socks off! This article is great…how to better yourself and marriage.

    Reply

    • April 3, 2015 @ 9:40 pm Lilly S. Mohsen

      Some day you’re gonna make one man extremely happy. God bless you Belle

      Reply

  77. March 31, 2015 @ 9:02 am Lisa

    This is a really helpful writing.

    I laughed out loud about bringing up discussions at 11pm though. I’m notorious for wanting to talk when we get to bed. I guess the quiet is so enticing! I’m working on it though…

    Reply

    • April 3, 2015 @ 9:43 pm Lilly S. Mohsen

      I’m glad you found this helpful Lisa
      I’m not sure which part you’re refrering to though when you said “11pm discussions”
      Good luck in your marriage and may we all remember to work on ourselves first

      Reply

  78. March 31, 2015 @ 9:05 am Ghada

    Excellent and priceless advise tnx

    Reply

  79. April 1, 2015 @ 7:03 pm Lilly S. Mohsen

    I can just imagine a woman’s reaction if a man tells her what to wear! That’s probably a scene from a horror movie Robert hhhhhh
    But come on, it’s just part of who we are!

    Reply

  80. May 10, 2015 @ 1:05 pm stefan muaythai

    Hey, thanks for the article.Really thank you!

    Reply

  81. January 26, 2016 @ 9:10 am Jestine

    I am not sure where you are getting your info, but good topic.
    I needs to spend some time learning more or understanding more.

    Thanks for excellent information I was looking for this information for my mission.

    Reply


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