A bond so fascinating and desirable, that the entire world would turn blue if you don’t have one and if you do, the same disastrous world can be a place of celebration and bliss.
Talking about friendships for the sake of Allah, the best example that comes to my head is that of Abu Bakr As Siddique. The love he had for RasoolAllah صلى الله عليه وسلم was magnanimous and impossible to be put into words. He gave away his wealth, his possessions and was ever ready to sacrifice anything for the beloved Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم. An exquisite example of beautiful friendship, there are so many gems for us to extract and ponder upon. I have always delved in the dream of having such heart filling companionship that makes your Duniya and Aakhira worth surviving.
We all desire trustworthy companions, righteous mates, understanding buddies, inspiring pals – call it anything, multiple names for just one real bond – Friendship of those people who love and live for the sake of Ar – Rahmaan. And the ajar stored for these precious souls is mindboggling. Here the Hadeeth goes,
The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said there are 7 whom Allah will shade in His Shade on the Day when there is no shade except His Shade: amongst them will be ‘two men who love each other for Allah’s sake, meeting for that and parting upon that’ [Bukhari]
After years of waiting and then journeying with my ‘Jannah Buddies’ I can assure you that, Friendship for Allah’s sake is a heart contenting and a soul pacifying voyage. You could swing in its delights for ages, but it’s a tiring process, it requires something a lot more than you think.
It is not going to be a bite of a chocolate fudgy brownie always, especially if you don’t fulfill your obligations and do it the right way.
When you look around, it’s a sad world to reside in because each one of us have glitches in our bonds, our homes are broken, our hearts have larger voids than before and our souls are rusted with ailments. The Shayaateen have become successful in ruining the relationships that we have got no control over what happens. Although our hearts are tied for the sake of Allah, we still don’t think twice to give up on our friends and move on with our lives.
Look around how many of us are truly blessed to have such super amazing friends on whom we can rely in the times of need? How many of us are really able to accept people the way they are and chose to continue the trail with our friends despite of their flaws?
Sometimes even the strongest of bonds which the time had sealed through its history within no time crumbles down when hit by the raging storm because we are emotional beings, who tend to take everything to our hearts, react more than we should, fantasize much and expect nothing but perfection in our bonds.
It was only the day I realized the practical and spiritual side of my relationship with my besties, that I could really do my best, deal my emotions and cherish the barakaah hidden within every layer of my bond Alhamdulillah. I felt it was high time that I be *that* amazing one too, a REAL khaleel with the characteristics that qualify us to be amongst those that RasoolAllah صلى الله عليه وسلم described in this beautiful Hadeeth
The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said: “Among Allah’s servants are people who are neither Prophets nor martyrs, but whom the Prophets and martyrs will deem fortunate because of their high status with Allah.”
They asked: “O Messenger of Allah! Inform us of who they are.”
He said: “They are people who loved each other for Allah’s sake, without being related to one another or being tied to one another by the exchange of wealth. By Allah, their faces will be luminous and they will be upon light. They will feel no fear when the people will be feeling fear and they will feel no grief when the people will be grieving.” [Sunan Abu Dawud,3527]
So the time has come that we shift the paradigm and instead of hunting for such perfection, strive to be of those illuminating souls that enlightens someone else in this world and the next Insha Allah. Here are few pointers that cover all the spiritual, emotional and practical aspects which we all need to drill in our heads and work hard to instill in our lives and bonds:
1) Imaan, Taqwa and Selfless Love
The three main ingredients without which no matter how mindboggling your desert looks, it won’t be edible haha you know what I mean.
For any bond to thrive it definitely needs a proper base, a foundation has to be strong for anything to survive for long and that for you is your Maker. Make sure your friendship revolves around Allah and its commandments. You will fail to taste the sweetness of this bundle of Delight and relish its true beauty until and unless it’s for His sake alone. Nourish your bond through the light of Imaan, nurture it cautiously through the pearls of Taqwa and strengthen it by seeking love from the right source – Al Wadood (The Ever Loving).
2) Connect through the Quran
Keep a link with the miraculous Book that will be a witness for each one of us. Take initiative to study his book together, delve in the depths of the profound Ayaahs that will leave both of you spell bounded Inshallah. No matter even if it’s for five minutes, but do have an ayaah discussion a day, so that you both share the ajar. This will act like a full time guide for you and your friend, keeping the evil away.
3) Don’t break the trust
One of the major reasons everything falls apart is this. A trust is an Amanah, guard it with all that you have. Our beloved Prophet saws were known as ‘Amin’ because of this rare quality. Imagine even his enemies trusted him with their belongings because they couldn’t trust their own people. SubhanAllah!
Note it down, the day faith is lost, you lose the place in the heart, on the other hand loyalty could breed surplus amount of sincere love and keep you at ease always. So a big no no, to lies, betrayal, manipulation, etc.
4) Lower the wings of Rehma
Two of Allah’s names is Al Ghafoor (The Ever Forgiving) and Al Haleem (Forbearing). The two FF’s is a path that takes you closer to your lord and shall cultivate goodness in your bond; it will also create a sense of respect and “aww” in the eyes of your pal for you.
Allah can sometimes put you in a situation where it’s impossible to forgive; the blunder might be painful but before you go shut that door all at once; contemplate once about Al–Kareem and his generosity, his forbearance towards you.
Didn’t HE forgive graciously when you were drowning in sins?
When the Lord of the Worlds can allow you to start afresh, you too can give your friend for his sake another chance.
Apart from it being a rewarding deed, it also liberates you from your own shackles. It’s a virtue which makes us understand that all humans err, we are fashioned like that. So don’t be harsh on your friend, correct them and then once they learn and are sorry, embrace them back with an open arm and heart!
5) Accept and Conceal
We just discussed that all beings are feeble, and bound to mistakes. A clear fact is that we aren’t perfect and are flawed in one way or another.
”And Man was created weak” (Surah AnNisa,28)
Don’t take pride and be eager to reveal the flaws of your friend, there might be certain things which aren’t right but instead of focusing on the problems, work for the solutions. Learn to accept and love your buddy the way they are, don’t try and mold them, or be judgmental. Don’t go for confrontations or be a haraam police, rather conceal the sin, advice personally and help them combat it.
‘’Whoever covers up the fault of a Muslim, Allah will cover up his fault on the Day of Resurrection.” (Al-Bukhari)
6) Be There, Be Around
In a world of technology, busy schedules, home, office, college and family, sometimes the friends do get sidelined, save yourself from falling in this section. Be a person who is available during times of emergency, because if you couldn’t stand by your friend during the outrageous storm, how do you think you deserve to be there during the spring eh?
Hold that hand when your friend isn’t able to stand, be a comforting shoulder for them, support them at the times of distress and try to bring back the lost smiles.
Amidst all your other responsibilities, make your friend a priority too, if the situation is intense for you, then at least an adorable text before you sleep is enough. Don’t disappear to Mars, just because you are on your high, be available whenever needed.
Along with that, you cannot ignore reliability, be responsible for what you have been trusted with. Don’t let carelessness draw a line between you and your dearest friend. Take everything seriously; if something needs to be fulfilled then show up on time, be there, let your friend not feel that you are only good for the vain talks, and when it comes to action plan, you are nothing but a Looser. Walk the talk guys!
7) Lend a ear
Aaah Listening skills! Don’t go back to the physics class haha but on a serious note, sometimes people really don’t need lectures, hard core advises or any sympathy. All they need is a human who could lend them an ear and just LISTEN. Think and understand when to speak and when to listen. A person who is stuck in a tragedy doesn’t need your very well phrased speeches. At that stage, don’t try to brush off your speaking skills or flaunt all the information you got from the YouTube lectures, naah naah! If you really want to comfort and make them feel better just quietly say hmmm ”yeah Habeebty I am Listening”.
8) An Honest Confidante
If listening is important, equally fundamental it is to be honest and speak the truth. Don’t be the one who only praises and doesn’t criticize, that would be deceiving your mate. If you are conscious of their shortcomings and their sins have been revealed to you, then it’s their haqq upon you that you forbid the evil and enjoin the good. You wouldn’t like your friend to be amongst those who bite their hands in grief on Yawmul Qiyaamah .
Ah! Woe to me! Would that I had never taken so-and-so as a friend! He indeed led me astray from the Reminder (the Qur’aan) after it had come to me.” [25:27]
The trick is to be friendly and honest at the same time. Pin point in a way that doesn’t hurt yet is taken positively and is understood better. Swindling and flattering will not only lead to destruction of your relationship but it will make both of you pay a huge price in the Aaakhira.
9) Appreciate and Acknowledge
Never fail to appreciate the little acts of your beloveds. That might seem tiny to you, but it might have taken a lot from them. Appreciation in turn leads to encouragement and stronger bonding.
On the other hand acknowledgment, I would define it as confession.
Confess your love for them often, express what they mean to you in special occasions, and acknowledge their beneficent presence in your life.
“If a man loves his brother, let him tell him that he loves him.” (Reported by Abu Dawud and al-Tirmidhi, in a Sahih hadith]
So next time you guys meet up, pull your friend closer taking her in a warm teddy Hug, slowly whispering in her ears, ‘Love you For the sake of Allah man”
10) Be Vocal – Communication is the Key
When things mess up between you two, don’t shut the bag and drag the issue for long instead chose to resolve things immediately. Never be quiet for long and let the confusion build up, creating more misunderstandings. Give space if required but never disconnect.
Be vocal and have healthy discussion. Place your opinions and what you feel from your prospective. Whatever it is, arguing doesn’t help so always be the first one to lower the wings of Rehmaa and forgive for the love between you two which is more important than any other issue.
The Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم said: “No two men love one another, but the better of them is the one whose love for his brother is greater.” [Al-Adab Al-Mufrad]
11) Be an Alarm Clock
Yes! Be an alarm clock that constantly reminds their pals about the purpose of existence, which is to worship the Rabbul Aa’lameen.
Race for Jannah, create more excitement and enthusiasm about the hereafter, and talk about the loftiest ranks reserved for the best of people. Compete in doing good deeds, encourage each other to fill the sacks with more and more Hasanaahs. Always strive to please Allah both in the good and the bad, while keeping a check that your buddy does the same. The end result would be both of you partying in Al – Firdaus Mansions for an eternity, Beidhnillah.
12) Be An Inspirational ‘Sadeeq’
Inspire your friends to bits, be that legendary soul who helps them dream big and accomplish their goals. Be a mentor, a guide, no one knows your friends assets and talents better than you. Convince them; allure them with the marvelous rewards preserved for the mu’mins who stand out and do something unimaginable and beneficial for the Ummah.
And for those ‘funky evil mates’, who aren’t probably in your list, MARK them in. Don’t give up on that lot. Continue your efforts and one day Al – Haadi could guide them through the AMAZING YOU. Nothing goes in vain; Allah pays all the wages of the labor in FULL
13) Niyyaah is all that Matters
Aima! Ultimately all that matters is your intention, your Niyyah. Make your Niyyahs strong and pure. Work on tazkiyaa (Self – Purification) often. Always keep Al – A’zeez above everything and draw your conclusions through the lens of Qura’an and Sunnah. Don’t expect anything in return from your bonds, or your friends. Anticipate only from Al – Wadood and see the places being made in the hearts of your beloved that cannot be taken by anyone.
Lastly, at the end of the day it’s about pulling the weaker one up from that puddle of mud, it’s about aiding each other till we reach that enormously gorgeous gate of Al Firdaus. it’s about walking past that door hand in hand basking in the glory of his Rehma with light illuminating from all directions, and if anaaudhubillah we don’t make it, then we get it through our mates intercession and by his will. Yeah it’s all about THAT.
Surely the people of Jannah when they enter Jannah and they don’t find those companions of theirs who were with them upon good in this world, then verily they will intercede for them in front of Allah Ta’ala and they will say: “O Rabb we have brothers who used to read salaah and fast with us, we do not see them!”
Allaah, jalla wa’alaa, will say “Go to the fire and take out any person who had even an atoms amount of Imaan in their heart!” [Bukhari and Muslim]
The sapling sowed today will reap its fruits tomorrow,
The efforts made in the morning will shine in the night, striking away every ounce of pain and sorrow,
Reflect before you hit your sack today, if anything ever was done for his sake, it will be all worth it,
Any friendship fesabeelillah will last forever, because Al – Wali himself will protect it.
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