Porn has become one of the leading problems facing our youth today. From cultural restraints to lack of information we choose to ignore the elephant in the room. Our youth is our tomorrow, our future. We NEED to tackle this issue and not shy away from it. We are honored of getting Ustadh Wael Ibrahim to share some tips with us regarding this issue. He has been travelling around the world battling this virus that has been nibbling away at the very fabric of our Ummah – The Family.
Join us in this series where Ustadh Wael discusses and explains on how we can tackle pornography addiction through real life experiences and various other techniques InshaAllah.
How Porn Became Disastrous?
A couple of months ago I was approached by a married couple for a coaching advice. The man started by admitting that he had an issue with pornography for many years and finally decided to reveal his secret to his wife. He truthfully narrated his struggle with porn to his beloved wife and she took it very well. However, she told him: “Honey, when you desire to watch porn do not do it alone, lets watch it together.”– It was like telling him “Let me be a part of it”. What happens next? Few months down the line, she started to watch porn on her own, and a year after that she became addicted to pornography and both of them started to lose interest in the actual sexual intimacy.
She contacted her best friend and related to her what had happened and was begging for immediate help. Her friend suggested that she must see a sex therapist to help her out. She followed the advice and to her surprise, the sex therapist told her something like this:
“Pornography was produced to add some excitements to your sex life, whatever you see and apply could be the way to your success as a couple”
I was surprise because around 30 years back people thought that there’s nothing wrong with porn, in fact they used to recommend it as a tool to enhance sexual relationships. However, this opinion has been refuted since the rise of Internet in the Mid 90’s, especially when people who were involved in accessing these materials started to sense the disastrous nature of pornography and seek help from experts.
How Porn can be more Disastrous?
Just to continue with the above case study of the married couple, you will never fail to recognize the disastrous nature of porn and its negative consequences.
When the husband starts leaving the house late at night to hunt for a prostitute, or to visit a dirty massage parlor with the knowledge of his wife while she was OK with it, that’s a disaster.
When the wife goes to the toilet for masturbation while the husband is sleeping, that’s a disaster.
When their daughter found out some of these websites on their computers and electronic devices, that’s a disaster.
When spouses end up in a divorce because of pornography, that’s a disaster.
When single youth loses focus during their studies because of porn, that’s a disaster.
When religious communities started to label themselves as hypocrites due to their consumption of porn, that’s a disaster.
When your brain becomes so occupied with sexual images to the extent that you won’t finish the task at hand until you pleasure yourself through masturbation, that’s a disaster.
When you decide to quit watching porn but you cannot due to its addictive nature, that’s a disaster.
In short, a short article will never do justice to portray how dangerous and disastrous pornography is. But all what we can say is that porn could simply ruin your life and the lives of your loved ones.
The Journey Towards Disaster
The first step to battling a problem is accepting it first. I am going to briefly portray a picture of someone who was hooked on porn and finally realized that he/she needed some serious help and close attention.
- First Exposure – A pleasure that was never experienced before. This pleasure will always be accompanied by shame and guilt. You don’t know why yet, but you always feel it.
- “Watching porn is better than adultery and fornication”: This is the green light you would give yourself to watch porn. You don’t know yet that the end results of watching porn also adultery and fornication.
- Guilt, Shame and False Quitting – Now you feel bad about yourself, in fact you hate yourself and finally you are back to your senses. In the middle of all this self-torturing stage, you decide not to watch anymore. In most cases you are going to fail and indulge in pornography again and again… we call it, false quitting.
- Trigger and Relapse – Because you did not protect your gaze from looking at provocative scenes, whether on TV or on the streets, that would be your trigger to relapse and watch again after a short time of quitting.
This is just a brief journey of pornography addicts. But what would be the consequences of not quitting for good? Well, lets make it easier. Count with me:
- Isolation
- Shame
- Depression
- Schizophrenia-like (The feeling of confusion where you fail to recognize what is real and what is imaginary. Reduction of social engagement, lack of energy and motivation.The feelings of having double personalities who are in conflict with one another etc.)
- Compromising one’s principles, values, religious beliefs etc.
- Violence during sexual intimacy. (Pornography changes the way we think of the actual sexual relationship. So what you watch on screen you will start applying in real life. Violence and disrespect for women is a common practice in the porn industry)
- Anger
- Irritation
- Lack of sleep.
- Risky behaviors and activities. (Having illegal affairs, viewing porn at work is just naming a few). Worse is,
- Suicidal attempts, feelings towards ending up one’s life etc.
Despite these consequences, porn users are still out of control and could lead their lives into a complete disaster if they do not take a step forward towards recovery from this brain disease. Yes, you have read it correctly. Pornography addiction is a brain disease which controls one’s behavior if we did not work hard to break free from its addiction.
As we can all see, pornography normally will start as a fun, exciting, and sexually ecstatic activity. But at the end of the journey, you will be denied of all fun, excitement, and sexual ecstasy. So what is the point? You are watching to enjoy but at the end you will be left out depressed and dissatisfied! So why enjoy for few seconds and ruin your life for years to come?
If you wish to be like the couples who are now living together under one roof yet they have lost interest in one another, then porn would be the best recipe for your disaster. If you wish for your kids to follow the same path and get trapped within the porn cycle, then be the guest of an industry that is working too hard to destroy not only yourself, but also everyone else around you.
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